Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Randomize
