You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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