oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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