You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
