FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
