Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
