im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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