it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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