It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
