My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
