I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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