So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
