Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
