i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
