so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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