I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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