i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
