I only kidnapped one of them. chill
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
