I'm jealous of your bromance
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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