so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
