Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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