wakey wakey hands off snakey
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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