A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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