I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
