is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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