No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize