Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
