i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
