i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
