My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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