So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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