through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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