i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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