Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
