Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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