I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize