Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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