Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm going to jail i love you
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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