My balls are so social today.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
