Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
