My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
