You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
