So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
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Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
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Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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