You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
