to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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