I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.