if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him