In the future we'll all be gay
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We need to get me chipped asap
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
