We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
