I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick