fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
