YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
