My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
