its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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