ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
how drunk are you?
Several
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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