I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
