I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
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We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
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And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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