your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
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