forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
