I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
