4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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