the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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