dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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