Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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