the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
