you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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