been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You were trust falling into bushes
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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