And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
