God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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