im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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