You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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