I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
