I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My breasts were aching with rage.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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